The Enormous Growth

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This is stomach at 12 weeks!





This is stomach at coming 21 weeks! Isn't it a big difference? My stomach is growing at an enormous pace and I'm running out of t shirts to wear at home. The other day Hui asked me how come my t shirt shrank in the washer. It simply din occur to him that it was me who got bigger. Who wanna donate BIG t shirts to me? Surprisingly I can still fit into my normal size panties but of coz the ever expanding boobies constantly need bigger bras to fit them. I hope they are all goodies in them and not juz big empty factories.





Gigantic Lucas at 5 month old. He was a massive 8kg then. Now he's nearing 10kg I think. I bought the t shirt for Jane the year before in Gold coast and she was only 10 months when she wore it. Now Lucas is already wearing it like a tight fitting tee.





See the comparison between him and my fat cat?

Baby EE

Itz been ages since I've felt well enough for an update.


The amniocentesis test for down syndrome was great with no signs of any abnormality and baby was confirmed to be a ger with no chance of a mistake at birth. I am grateful and thankful to those who remembered and prayed for Baby enen and me. I've decided to call her Baby EE which stands for Enen as her name is Chen Ju En instead of Christiane as it can be a mouthful for the elderly. Of coz I'm definitely most thankful to God for blessing me with a healthy baby in the stomach. Sometimes I kick myself for hving doubts at times that EE mite be an unheathy foetus and that I mite need to abort her to lessen any further heartache.


I'm currently 20 weeks into the pregnancy and is eagerly counting down to delivery after 37 weeks. QUekie had given birth to a 6.3 pounds Olivia. She gave me a very thorough account of the whole labor process and I'm lying if I say I'm not disturbed her experience and the pain from the contractions. Most people usually provide a nicer version of the process....which sometimes make me think itz juz like shitting out a baby. She said her ass now looked like a cluster of grapes from the exertion of pushing so hard and her cb now feels like hum chee peng. I take it that itz really swollen then...haha.


Pregnancy made me rethink my priorities in life. Every decision every future plans I have now will include the baby in consideration. No more frivolous buys and no more rash decisions. Even my relationship with him now isn't juz about us. It's abt her. I'm now sustaining the r/s more becoz I really want to give him a chance of being a father and for my baby to know her father. He makes a lousy husband but he will be a good provider for my baby. I've made some legal arrangement which will make sure EE will not have to suffer in any ways should we decide to go our seperate ways come November when we are allowed by law to divorce.


I'm still feeling as shitty as ever and constipation is killing me. It makes me bloated as hell and not to mention the annoying farts every now and then. No amount of fruits or water can ease the discomfort from the bloating. The last time I checked my weight at the clinic, I was 56kg and it meant I didn't put on weight since my last last appt at 15 weeks. I attribute the lack of weight gain to the stress from dealing with his many drunken nights and frequent bouts of flu. The sleepless nights probably din help too.


Maybe I'm too hard on him.
Maybe I'm too hard on this marriage.
Or maybe I'm even too hard on myself.
Maybe it's really time I let go.


I do love him. Despite his many indiscreet dalliances with women. This is the first time I'm so forthcoming about the REAL problem I'm facing. I can assure you that he is a very likeable and considerate husband when he isn't that intoxicated with alcohol. But the shit problem is that he choses to drink and get drunk with his bloody shit bunch of friends most of the time. I dun even mind his gambling anymore as long as he stays away from drinking. Gambling does take him away from drinking but never for long. He doesn't have a chronic drinking problem but I knoe it really lies with the company he chooses to keep by his side.


Sure I can blame the whole world for his problem. But when will it end? The marriage is spiralling out of control and was probably doomed from the start. Or maybe the r/s was doomed from the start. Why did we insist on being together even when we were fighting so violently all the time?


Was it that we were too alike and headstrong that binded us together?


I thought about it for years and came to a conclusion only hours ago. The answer was simple. He was the first man who was so possessively jealous of me and this r/s. He was so sure he wanted me right from the start. I was the unsure one as I wasn't sure I could deal with his possessiveness and gambling. I was insecure and hence did many things to make him even more insecure than me. I wanted the upper hand. Right now I really believe however he treats me now are all merely my comeuppance for not being as steadfast in our love in the very beginning.


Many people envied my lifestyle. My latest gift showered on me by him was a nearly 10k Chopard watch and a Tiffany bracelet. Sometimes I dunno if I should laugh or cry. I have everything from him except him. I really really want to use all that I have to exchange for the old him back to me. I cry alone so often from heartache that I fear EE will come out a colicky and depressed baby. Maybe it's the unhappiness from the marriage that's eating me up and making such a miserable bitch to be with that I drive him into the arms of another.


This is one hell of a long post. I dun like to think that the constipation made me so melancholic but it is. I will go struggle with my colon now. Bye.

Heartbeat!

Hui went to the scan with me and we both heard the loud thumping sounds like horse's galloping! Mew and Dudu both said they burst into tears when they heard the heartbeats and that I would probably too...

I din...but I almost did when I realised I had put on 3kg right after conceiving this baby. I know I should eat whenever and wadever I feel like it but 3kg is too much when I'm not even nearing the end of my first trimester. I'm trying not to binge on unnecessary calories like sweets becoz itz bad enuff that I'm resting on my expanding butt every minute every hour right after every meals.

Doc Chia commented that baby is bigger than average size and I'm so proud of my baby. I'm so proud that he/she is absorbing things that I eat and is growing into a good size. The heartbeat was at 143 beats per dunno what.

Both of us have found the ideal name for Baby...or rather I insisted on naming baby that while he agrees to it. Either gender will have a pretentious french christian name. I'll tell the name when the detailed scan reveals the gender.

My next appt will be on my 12th week which marks the end of first trimester and beginning of 2nd trimester. There will be a neck test on the baby for down syndrome and both of us had an mutual agreement that should the neck test reveals a high chance of down syndrome, we will go ahead with the amniocentesis which increases the chance of a miscarriage and leakage of the water from the sac. If there really is a leakage, a patch would be done and if it still doesn't work, an abortion will be inevitable.

I know when God gives, he gives the best. Maybe I should not be taking the test becoz dat would mean doubting God. I'm very confused becoz I knoe if the final test shows that my bb has down syndrome, I'll not hesitate to abort it. I really wan a baby but I dun think I'll be strong enuff to bring up a baby with such disabilities. Don't judge me. I really dunno what to do with a baby like dat.

Meanwhile I'm looking forward to using my Chanel baby bag!

Countdown to Heartbeat Day

Itz 3 more days to Heartbeat Day! I'm really looking forward to it! Some people claimed they could only detect heartbeat nearing 8 weeks and some said 5 weeks will be enough. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that mine will be loud and clear so I'm able to know if itz beef patties or patty. I'm really hoping for twin gers or even dragon pheonix.

I'm still peeing as much and appetite's better now. 3 full meals are enough unliike last few weeks. My gum's hurting alot because of the recent tightening. This time round, Dr Boey really used a shorter wire and itz really really tighter by alot. I cant chew and I'm back on soft diet again.

Nausea

My little Wagyu or Kobe is making me feel really blue now....blue in the face from the nausea and lethargy and blue from the extra crazy mama hormones that plays havoc on my moods.

I woke up at 6am feeling really hungry and Mama had to cook a big bowl of noodles with mincemeat which I gobbled up immediately. After that I tried to catch some rest but yet I couldn't sleep well. I had to miss church then. Met up with Eeping for steamboat at Parkway and I bought a cute maxi dress for my 2nd trimester. The dress only cost $25 and I might just go back for more.

During the drive home, I explained to Eeping how the pregnancy hormones are making me so grouchy and cranky becoz I'm constantly feeling the lethargy and I'm worried sick of losing the baby. *touchwood*

I'm on a mission to clear the house to make it less cluttered becoz I dun wanna be tripping over things. Besides, it makes the house so much bigger and more pleasing to the eye. What's the point of renovating the house and then only to let so many useless junk clutter it up. And selfishly, I really need the extra space for a crib and a little cabinet to store bb's clothes....and we dun even knoe if itz gonna be baby or babies.

This is all very exciting for me and my parents but I really wish the butt and thighs wun get fat til last trimester. TOO BAD for me becoz it already got bigger due to my ravenous appetite. I think I'm already secretly helping him save for a vaser liposelection for me.

First Visit As A MAMA.

I spend most of my time sleeping and eating....and now I suspect the vomiting will start soon. I jus puked abit of my dinner out and I'm sipping orange juice and eating sour plums.

My first visit to Dr Chia in my new status was a pretty smooth one. I had to pee on a strip and then do a blood test for hepatitis B, HIV and HCG which is the pregnancy hormones. Doc did a scan and found 2 eggs on the right ovary and 1 lonely egg on the left ovary. She cannot find the baby yet but suspect the black little bean is my baby! haha....it was so cute...

I have to go back for another scan in 10 days' time to hear the heartbeat and by then I'll be able to knoe if itz singleton, twins or triplets. I'm praying for a safe first trimester and u knoe...if God wants to let me choose, I dun mind twins!

When I'm alone, I pat my stomach and tell baby that he/she is really mummy's life now and pls dun go away til delivery time. I hope my baby cow is listening though ears are still not developed.

Hmmmm....Pray For Me

Hmmm... This was done on the 27th Oct and it's a double positive!





Only Pangdudu and my two sister in laws kept insisting I'm pregnant....I've had weird symptoms for the past two weeks post my honeymoon.

Ravenous appetite
Nausea
Unexplained dizziness
Sore boobs
Frequent peeing

I knoe these are obvious signs of pregancy but I get most of the symptoms when my period is due too!

I din dare hope for anything more becoz I really thought God had forgotten about me and given my infertility, I din expect I would strike.

I will not announce to the whole wide world only after I've passed the first trimester safely so those who can read this blog, pls pray for a healthy foetus...and a healthy mama.